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Sharing a Bed: Downsides, Benefits, & Tips

by | Sep 27, 2023

Sharing a bed with a romantic partner is a cherished ritual that symbolizes intimacy and connection. However, this seemingly simple act has both its delights and challenges. 

On the one hand, it fosters emotional closeness and comfort. On the other hand, it often gives rise to sleep-related difficulties, from snoring to differing sleep schedules. 

Today, we’ll explore the ups and downs of sharing a bed, provide sleep statistics, and offer tips and other insights. It’s important to consider all of your options when it comes to sharing a bed with someone.

The Snoring Epidemic

Unfortunately, snoring is a common nighttime occurrence. It can significantly impact a partner’s sleep quality and overall well-being. 

According to a 2005 poll from the National Sleep Foundation, about one-third of American adults report snoring multiple times weekly. About 25% of American adults report snoring almost every night. Here are some key points to consider about how snoring may affect a partner in bed.

Noise Disruption

Snoring can be loud and persistent, resembling anything from a gentle rumble to an earth-shaking roar. The noise can disrupt the partner’s ability to fall asleep or stay asleep, leading to sleep fragmentation.

Sleep Fragmentation

As a result, sleep snoring can cause the partner to wake up multiple times during the night. These interruptions can prevent them from reaching deep, restorative stages of sleep, leaving them fatigued and groggy during the day.

Irritability – and Even Resentment

Over time, disrupted sleep due to a partner’s snoring can lead to irritability, frustration, and even resentment in the relationship. Partners may feel like they’re not getting the sleep they need, which can strain the emotional connection.

Health Concerns

Sleep deprivation caused by snoring can have a negative impact on a partner’s physical and mental health. Chronic sleep disturbances are associated with an increased risk of various health problems. These can include cardiovascular issues, weight gain, and mood disorders.

Sleep Separation

In some cases, partners resort to sleeping separately to cope with snoring. While this may provide temporary relief, it can also undermine the intimacy and togetherness that come with sharing a bed. Of course, it depends on the couple and the situation, because every relationship is different.

Concerns for the Snorer

It’s important to note that snoring isn’t only a problem for the partner. It can also indicate underlying health issues like Obstructive Sleep Apnea, which can have serious health consequences for the snorer. Therefore, addressing snoring is crucial for both individuals in the relationship.

Snoring – or Obstructive Sleep Apnea?

It may not be as innocent as annoying snoring. Obstructive Sleep Apnea (OSA) can lead to pauses in breathing during sleep and should be addressed by professionals. If you or your partner snore, take a sleep assessment to see if there’s an underlying concern.

Other Downsides to Sharing a Bed

Snoring also isn’t always the issue. Let’s delve into some of the other downsides or challenges that may arise when partners share a bed.

  • Differing Sleep Schedules

Partners often have different routines and schedules, which can lead to disruptions.

  • Movement Disturbances

Movement during sleep is natural, but it can be disruptive when partners are in close proximity.

  • Temperature Preferences

Variations in temperature preferences can be a source of discomfort.

  • Bed Hogging

Some individuals tend to sprawl out or hog the bed covers during sleep.

  • Incompatibility in Mattress/Pillow Preferences

Partners may have different mattress firmness or pillow preferences.

  • Personal Sleep Habits

Personal sleep habits and rituals can vary widely. These differences can clash and disrupt sleep.

  • Other Sleep-Related Disorders

Beyond snoring, one or both partners may suffer from sleep disorders like restless leg syndrome or insomnia.

Benefits of Sharing a Bed with Your Partner

Now, let’s explore the benefits of sharing a bed with your partner in more detail.

Emotional Intimacy

Sharing a bed fosters emotional intimacy and strengthens the connection between partners. The physical closeness of sleeping together provides a unique opportunity for affection, cuddling, and bonding. It’s a time when you can express your love and affection in a comforting, non-verbal way.

Stress Reduction

Sleeping next to your partner can reduce stress and anxiety. The presence of a loved one can provide a sense of security and comfort, making it easier to relax and fall asleep.

Improved Sleep Quality – In Some Cases

Contrary to disruptions sharing a bed can bring, some people experience better sleep quality when they sleep with their partner. The emotional benefits and the feeling of safety can lead to deeper and more restful sleep.

Enhanced Communication

Bedtime is often a time when partners have the opportunity to talk and connect. Sharing thoughts, discussing events of the day, and even resolving conflicts can occur in the calm, intimate shared bed setting.

Physical Affection

Physical touch is a fundamental aspect of human connection, and sharing a bed allows for increased physical contact. Holding hands, spooning, or simply being close can release oxytocin, a hormone associated with bonding and affection.

Shared Experiences

Couples who sleep together often share experiences that are unique to bedtime. These might include morning cuddles, waking up together, or having late-night conversations. Shared moments like these can strengthen the emotional connection between partners.

Increased Happiness

Studies show couples who sleep together tend to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and happiness. The emotional closeness and intimacy experienced in bed can contribute to a sense of fulfillment in the relationship.

Regularity and Routine

Sharing a bed encourages a regular sleep schedule and routine, as partners often go to bed and wake up together. The consistency can contribute to better overall sleep hygiene.

Natural Stress Reliever

The physical sensations of being close to your partner, like their warmth and scent, can act as natural stress relievers. These may help you relax and unwind after a long day.

Enhanced Physical Health

Some studies suggest that sleeping with a partner can have positive effects on physical health. That might include reducing cortisol levels (a stress hormone) and promoting the release of endorphins (the body’s natural feel-good chemical).

11 Tips for Harmonious Bed Sharing

Here are some strategies to help you and your partner enjoy a more harmonious and restful night’s sleep together.

1. Create a Relaxing Bedtime Routine

Establish a calming bedtime routine together, which might include activities like reading, gentle stretching, or a warm bath. A relaxing routine can signal to your body that it’s time to wind down and prepare for sleep.

2. Establish a Sleep Routine

Create a consistent sleep schedule that aligns with both partners’ preferences as closely as possible. Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day can help synchronize your sleep patterns.

3. Invest in a Larger Bed

If space allows, consider upgrading to a larger bed to reduce disturbances caused by movement during the night. A king-sized bed can provide more room for both partners to sleep comfortably.

4. Choose the Right Mattress and Pillows

On that same note, invest in a comfortable mattress and pillows that suit both partners’ sleep preferences. There are mattresses designed to minimize motion transfer, which can help reduce disturbances when one partner moves during the night.

5. Use Separate Bedding

Individual blankets or duvets can be a game-changer. That goes especially if one partner tends to hog the covers or prefers a different level of warmth.

6. White Noise or Earplugs

Consider using white noise machines or earplugs to drown out disruptive noises like snoring. These can help create a more peaceful sleeping atmosphere.

7. Respect Each Other’s Space

Respect each other’s need for personal space during sleep. Maybe one partner prefers to sleep closer to the edge of the bed or needs more room. Allow for that without taking it personally.

8. Communicate Openly!

In that same vein, maintain open and honest communication about any sleep-related issues that arise. Discuss your individual sleep needs, preferences, and concerns, and work together to find compromises and solutions.

9. Consider Separate Beds

In some cases, it may be beneficial to have separate beds or even separate bedrooms. That goes especially if one partner has a drastically different sleep schedule or chronic sleep disturbances. This can help both partners get the rest they need while maintaining the intimacy of the relationship.

10. Get an Assessment for Sleep Apnea

If snoring or disrupted sleep are a persistent issue, it’s time to take a sleep assessment with SleepWell. It’s important to assess whether sleep apnea or another medical condition is contributing to your sleep problems. From there, professionals can recommend appropriate treatments or solutions.

11. If Necessary, Seek Further Professional Help

If sleep-related issues persist and strain your relationship, consider consulting a sleep specialist or therapist. They can provide guidance and strategies to address underlying problems that affect your sleep and relationship.

And remember, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. What works best for one couple may not work for another. The key is to be flexible, understanding, and willing to adapt. That way, you can both ensure you’re each getting the quality sleep you need while nurturing your relationship.

Final Thoughts

Sharing a bed with your partner can be a complex mix of joys and challenges. It’s important to understand the downsides and benefits and address sleep-related issues. Implement practical tips to help you and your loved one enjoy a more restful, intimate night’s sleep together. The key is open communication, patience, and a willingness to work together to find solutions that suit both your needs.

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Snoring: No Laughing Matter –

Benefits and harms of bed sharing –

Does Snoring Intensity Correlate with the Severity of Obstructive Sleep Apnea? –

Bed-Sharing in Couples Is Associated With Increased and Stabilized REM Sleep and Sleep-Stage Synchronization –

Benefits and Harms Associated With the Practice of Bed Sharing –